Page 10 - NBY December 2020 Issue

Dealing with Death -Mourning the Death of a Spouse at the End of the Year

Mourning the Death of a Spouse like old times that it almost seemed changed. Open, honest communication is What Are the Signs of Complicated
Doug had just stepped out of the room. important. Grief?
When your spouse dies - your world Those evenings together helped Charlie,
Complicated grief is a condition that
changes. You are in mourning—feeling as well as the others, start to heal after Mourning takes time. It’s common to have occurs in about 7% of people who have
grief and sorrow at the loss. You may their loss. roller coaster emotions for a while. recently lost a close loved one. People
feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You Let major decisions wait, if possible. with this condition may be unable to
may feel guilty for being the one who is For some people, mourning can go on comprehend the loss, experience intense,
still alive. At some point, you may even so long that it becomes unhealthy. This Try to delay major life decisions until you prolonged grief, and have trouble
feel angry at your spouse for leaving can be a sign of serious depression and are feeling better. You don’t want to decide resuming their own life. Signs of
you. All of these feelings are normal. anxiety. Talk with your doctor if sadness to make a big change, like selling your complicated grief may include overly
There are no rules about how you keeps you from carrying on with your home or leaving your job, when you are negative emotions, dramatically
should feel. There is no right or wrong day-to-day life. Support may be available grieving and perhaps not thinking clearly. restricting your life to try to avoid places
way to mourn. until you can manage the grief on your
own. Taking Care of Yourself While Grieving you went with the deceased, and being
When you grieve, you can feel both In the beginning, you may find that taking unable to find meaning or a purpose in
physical and emotional pain. People How Grief Counseling Can Help care of details and keeping busy helps. For a life.
who are grieving often cry easily and Sometimes people find grief while, family and friends may be around to
can have: counseling makes it easier to work assist you. But, there comes a time when you Complicated grief can be a serious
through their sorrow. Regular talk condition and those who have it may
• Trouble sleeping therapy with a grief counselor or will have to face the change in your life. need additional help to overcome the
• Little interest in food therapist can help people learn to accept Here are some ideas to keep in mind: loss. Support groups, professionals, and
• Problems with concentration a death and, in time, start a new life. close loved ones can help comfort and
• A hard time making decisions There are also support groups where • • • • • Take care of yourself. Grief can be support someone with this condition.

In addition to dealing with feelings of grieving people help each other. These hard on your health. Exercise regularly, eat Does Everyone Feel the Same Way
loss, you also may need to put your own groups can be specialized—parents who healthy food, and get enough sleep. Bad After a Death?
life back together. This can be hard have lost children or people who have habits, such as drinking too Men and women share many of the
work. Some people feel better sooner lost spouses, for example—or they can be much alcohol or smoking, can put your same feelings when a spouse dies. Both
than they expect. Others may take for anyone learning to manage grief. health at risk. may deal with the pain of loss, and both
longer. Check with religious groups, local • • • • • Try to eat right. Some widowed may worry about the future. But, there
hospitals, nursing homes, funeral homes, people lose interest in cooking and eating. It also can be differences.
Finding a Support System or your doctor to find support groups in may help to have lunch with friends.
There are many ways to grieve and to your area. Sometimes, eating at home alone feels too Many married couples divide up their
learn to accept loss. Try not to ignore quiet. Turning on the radio or TV during household tasks. One person may pay
your grief. Support may be available An essential part of hospice is meals can help. For information on bills and handle car repairs. The other
until you can manage your grief on your providing grief counseling, called nutrition and cooking for one, look for person may cook meals and mow the
own. It is especially important to get bereavement support, to the family of helpful books at your local library or lawn. Splitting up jobs often works well
help with your loss if you feel someone who was under their care. You bookstore or online. until there is only one person who has to
overwhelmed or very depressed by it. can also ask hospice workers for • • • • • Talk with caring friends. Let family do it all. Learning to manage new tasks
Family and compassionate friends can bereavement support, even if hospice and friends know when you want to talk — from chores to household repairs to
be a great support. They are grieving, was not used before the death. about your spouse. They may be grieving finances — takes time, but it can be done.
too, and some people find that sharing Remember to take good care of too and may welcome the chance to share
memories is one way to help each other. yourself. You might know that grief memories. When possible, accept their offers Being alone can increase concerns
Feel free to share stories about the one affects how you feel emotionally, but of help and company. about safety. It’s a good idea to make
who is gone. Sometimes, people hesitate you may not realize that it can also have • • • • • Visit with members of your sure there are working locks on the
to bring up the loss or mention the dead physical effects. The stress of the death religious community. Many people who are doors and windows. If you need help,
person’s name because they worry this and your grief could even make you grieving find comfort in their faith. Praying, ask your family or friends.
can be hurtful. But people may find it sick. Eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, talking with others of your faith, reading
helpful to talk directly about their loss. and get back to doing things you used to religious or spiritual texts, or listening to Facing the future without a husband or
You are all coping with the death of enjoy, like going to the movies, walking, uplifting music also may bring comfort. wife can be scary. Many people have
someone you cared for. • • • • • See your doctor. Keep up with
or reading. Accept offers of help or never lived alone. Those who are both
companionship from friends and family. visits to your healthcare provider. If it has widowed and retired may feel very
Charlie and Doug’s Story It’s good for you and for them. been awhile, schedule a physical and bring
Shortly after Charlie’s husband your doctor up to date on any pre-existing lonely and become depressed. Talk with
Doug died, his friends started coming If you have children, remember that medical conditions and any new health your doctor about how you are feeling.
over with dinners and memories to they are grieving, too. It will take time issues that may be of concern. Let your
share. They would sit around Charlie’s for the whole family to adjust to life healthcare provider know if you are having This content is provided by the National
dining table for hours remembering without your spouse. You may find that trouble taking care of your everyday Institute on Aging (NIA), part of the
Doug’s humor and kindness. Soon, your relationship with your children and activities, like getting dressed or fixing National Institutes of Health.
Doug’s friends were joining them with their relationships with each other have meals.
their own recollections. It was so much

10 December 2020