Jan Fowler

is author of the best-selling book, “Hot Chocolate for Seniors”(winner of national & international awards); winner of Gold Halo Award from the So. California Motion Picture Council for Outstanding Literary Achievement; winner of First Place Excellence in Journalism Award (SPJ –Southern CA); Town & Gown “Phenomenal Woman” Award; former television host & KSPA radio host of “Senior Living at its Best with Jan Fowler”; speaker, contributing author for “Savvy Women Revving Up for Success”; founder of Starburst Inspirations, Inc. 501(c) (3) nonprofit which supports Redlands Drug Court. www.janfowler.com. Jan welcomes feedback and comments about her columns and invites you to leave her a message on her website.

Loving Yourself on Valentines Day

“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.”                   Leo F. Buscaglia

Just when you think your life is over you get another chance at love–I’ve seen it happen time and time again.  Particularly if you feel that you’re worthy of being loved  because feeling worthy is the magnet which attracts love.

Especially on Valentines Day.

Love flourishes when you allow yourself to receive as well as to give.  Meaning, it is important to be able to accept affection and attention from someone who finds you loveable. Besides which, you empower the giver when you’re gracious enough to accept complimentary love words that are carefully intended for you.  After all, don’t we all love to give a gift to someone who acts deserving and who cheerfully says thank you to us?

It’s important to note that loving yourself is not at all the same as being narcissistically or selfishly absorbed.  Even though there may be moments when you feel it’s easier to sing the praises of someone else rather than yourself.

But what if there’s no one to receive a wish or a gift from on a day when we are surrounded by hearts, flowers, and divine chocolates?

I vividly recall what Valentine’s Day was like before I met my dearest David.  It was drab and lonesome before he came into my life.  I remember how I tried to focus on the fact that happiness and fulfillment are not destinations, but journeys. So this is what I did…I sent flowers to myself and pretended they were sent from a handsome beau! I felt that I was worthy of being loved, so much so that I laughed and cried when the florist delivery man handed the beautiful bouquet to me. I felt worthy of joy and tried to memorize that feeling of being someone’s sweetheart.

And I recall that there was one more thing that I remember doing.  I also sent myself a mushy valentine card.  Yes, a beautiful dreamy romantic card which I put on the dining room table next to the vase of flowers which the florist delivered (and I left them up for many weeks to remind me that I was worthy of finding true love.)

And that was the last time I was alone on Valentines Day. Sixteen years ago David became my dream man and once I met him, I continue to receive flowers and love all year long.  So if there’s no one special in your life today, begin the process of fantasizing that there is.

I did.  And so can you.