Jan Fowler

is author of the best-selling book, “Hot Chocolate for Seniors”(winner of national & international awards); winner of Gold Halo Award from the So. California Motion Picture Council for Outstanding Literary Achievement; winner of First Place Excellence in Journalism Award (SPJ –Southern CA); Town & Gown “Phenomenal Woman” Award; former television host & KSPA radio host of “Senior Living at its Best with Jan Fowler”; speaker, contributing author for “Savvy Women Revving Up for Success”; founder of Starburst Inspirations, Inc. 501(c) (3) nonprofit which supports Redlands Drug Court. Jan welcomes feedback and comments about her columns and invites you to leave her a message on her website.


“The Importance of Loving Yourself”


Later-life relationships can be magical, you know, I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Just when you think your life is over you get another chance at love.  Particularly if you feel that you are worthy of being loved because feeling worthy is the magnet which attracts love.

Especially on Valentines Day.

Love flourishes when you allow yourself to receive as well as to give. Meaning, it’s important to be able to accept affection and attention from someone who finds you loveable.  Besides which, you empower the giver when you’re gracious enough to accept complimentary love words that are carefully intended for you.  After all, don’t we all love to give a gift to someone who acts deserving and who cheerfully says thank you to us?

It’s important to note that loving yourself is not at all the same as being narcissistic or selfishly absorbed.  Even though there may be moments when you feel it’s easier to sing the praises of someone else rather than yourself.

I strongly suggest that when someone pays you a compliment, you should always, always, say thank you whether you feel worthy of it or not.

So now may be a good time to take note of the number of things you’re most proud of, things which you can brag about when you first meet a desirable man or woman who seems truly interested in learning more about you.  Someone who feels attracted to you and is eager to know you better.

Everyone has special gifts or talents ~ everyone!  And it’s important to convey an impression that you respect and think well of yourself.  Meaning, you should always speak with calm and confidence.  And not about the truth that at that very moment you may feel like a nervous wreck inside.

So let’s list some of the good things that you personally have to offer which distinguish you from others.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with enhancing your profile by stating some uniquely personal traits, assets, or qualities which you possess.  So don’t be at all shy about stating your special talents.  It’s perfectly okay to feel proud of who you are without coming across as bigheaded.  And even if you happen to be a low-key person, you certainly don’t want to sound limp.

So how would you answer if someone were to ask what your special gifts or talents are?  Are you a landscape painter?  A whiz at computers, electronics, or a ‘Mr. Fix-it’?  Could you say that you’re especially proud of your special ability to cook delicious fried chicken, knit afghan blankets, or crochet sweaters?  Or could it be that you have a special knack for growing the juiciest tomatoes on the block?

As I’ve said before, I personally feel proud of my savory, tangy, killer chili.  Plus, I love to bake fresh apple pies made with real vanilla grown in Mexico.  What about you?

It’s all too easy to become mired in defeating self talk–especially if we happen to live alone with no one else at home to help boost our self-confidence.  And sadly, that happens to be the case for many of us.  We have no one else in residence with us to master the keys of becoming self-reliant so we can annihilate negative thinking all by ourselves.

So may good fortune be yours and may you attract the love mate of your dreams who is kind, respectful, loving, compatible, and a perfect match for you ~ someone who, in time, can become your very best friend!

“Love yourself”, “accept yourself”, “forgive yourself”, and “be good to yourself”, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.  Leo F. Buscaglia

{Jan Fowler is an award-winning columnist and author who was nominated for the national ‘Purpose Prize’ an AARP award given to people 50 and older who are striving to enhance the lives of others}

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