Man Struggles with Loneliness

Jan Fowler

is author of the best-selling book, “Hot Chocolate for Seniors”(winner of national & international awards); winner of Gold Halo Award from the So. California Motion Picture Council for Outstanding Literary Achievement; winner of First Place Excellence in Journalism Award (SPJ –Southern CA); Town & Gown “Phenomenal Woman” Award; former television host & KSPA radio host of “Senior Living at its Best with Jan Fowler”; speaker, contributing author for “Savvy Women Revving Up for Success”; founder of Starburst Inspirations, Inc. 501(c) (3) nonprofit which supports Redlands Drug Court. Jan welcomes feedback and comments about her columns and invites you to leave her a message on her website.

Love After 60 

“Man Struggles with Loneliness”


     {The following is a published letter written to Annie at, followed by Annie’s response to a troubled man who signs himself, “Done With It.”

“Dear Annie:

     I’m writing to share my feelings about giving up and just being done.  I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing really means diddly anymore, going from day to day in an effort to find happiness and the illusion of caring for somebody.  No one gives a rip.

     Let me cut through all the nonsense and masks.  At 65, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyday niceties and greeting other folks are just people engaging in what everyone expects to hear.

     “How are you!  Fine!  How are you doing?  Great.”  But if we were to really answer truthfully, no one wants to hear it.  It’s negative.  Whining.  Unmanly.  We hold the pain internally, wearing the mask that portrays all is great, leading down the road of same ol. same ol.

     I feel so guilty for feeling blue and depressed.  I’m so blessed in life.  I have a nice home, successful kids, good retirement, stuff–and comparing this to others who struggle day to day—guilt!  Yet the internal blab is there, nonetheless.

     Folks have their own masks to hide behind, same as me.  We all are a bunch of phonies.

     All I see around me are other angry Americans anymore.  Angry on the road.  Angry in the stores.  Short! Untrusting!  Scammers.  Liars.  Like it’s all expected.  Fraud insurance for profit.   Schemes.  No one has any regard for anyone else.  The attitude is, I’d better get it before some other guy does.

     The world has gone completely insane.  So, I ask you how to cope.  Am I feeling like nothing really matters anymore?

                                                                                   “Done with it”

So how would you, the reader, have responded to this gentleman?  Here is my commentary:

Dear “Done With It”,

Each day is filled with countless opportunities for meeting strangers everywhere we go.  For starters, here are three proven senior-meet-senior arenas where countless older adults have met others with common interests and shared passions.

The first is through some form of public service, such as by volunteering on committees which support worthy causes.  Next is by participating in faith-based group activities.  And the third is by attending a class ”it doesn’t matter what it is” be it a foreign language course, cooking class, art, photography, or dance class.

Just by staying involved and pursuing the interests that capture your attention you will always be brought together with like-minded people.  So please keep putting your name and face out there every single day because there is still so much magic left in our lives!

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